Picky Drinker

All of you picky eaters out there? I think you're silly. Me? I'm a picky drinker, and that is perfectly non-silly.

Here are my policies:

1. Acceptable beverages to be consumed with meals are: water, coffee, or cola. Honestly, I rarely see a need to drink anything else, ever. Other drinks have flavors that get in the way of the food's flavors.

2. Other beverages that I will sometimes drink, but only by themselves (or with very small snacks), are: fruit juice, V8, cream soda, root beer, lemonade, basic Gatorade, hot chocolate, and most alcoholic beverages.

3. All fruit juice needs to be watered down or it is too thick and sweet.

4. Milk is only for putting in coffee or drinking with dessert. People who drink milk while eating pizza are aliens.

5. Get your nasty, funky flavored crap away from me. Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, Red pop, and Orange Crush need not apply. Don’t even think about making me drink Red Bull, new “exciting” Gatorade flavors, SoBe, etc.

6. With the exception of beer, I won’t drink alcohol and eat at the same time. Once my meal arrives, I won’t touch my adult beverage. This means I am a barbarian that doesn’t want to pair a wine with my meal.